The Four Agreements (by Don Miguel Ruiz)
Don Miguel Ruiz realized as a neurosurgeon that what needed to be healed was not only the physical brain, but the human mind as well. After a car accident the direction of his life shifted dramatically and he experienced himself as pure awareness outside the constraints of his physical body. He realized that the Toltec wisdom of his family contained all of the tools needed to change the human mind.
If one is on a quest for authenticity, the four agreements can definitely help to influence this process. I thought about how they can be implemented in our daily life, why they are so difficult to pursue and how they can actually make our lives better. I tried to find answers to the following questions for each one of the four agreements.
What does it mean?
Why is it so hard to do this?
How can it help us transform our lives?
1) Be Impeccable with your words
Impeccable means flawless, without sin. We can do this by taking responsibility for our actions and words without blaming ourselves. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word against ourselves or gossip about others. Don’t use words that go against your own integrity, your own self worth. When we speak we should ask ourselves these questions: how am I using my words? Am I judging? Am I blaming? Gossip is one of the hardest bad habits to break. People talk about other people behind their backs, people judge. When we are young we are taught not to be truthful with our words in order not to hurt the other person or to appear “polite.” Be careful what you tell your children, it forms character. Set yourself free from opinions formed during your own childhood when you feel they don’t go conform with your present views and beliefs.
2) Don’t take anything personally
We need to understand that we don’t see things how they really are, we see things as we are. Everything we see and the way we speak is always filtered through our own set of beliefs. Therefore it is always a limited perspective. So when people make judgments about you, it is more about them than it is about you. However his agreement is hard to understand and put in context when someone attacks you verbally, or crosses a boundary. I find it really difficult not to take this personally because this verbal attack is directed towards me at this very moment. However, sometimes we project our own emotions onto other people. What this agreement does not mean is to close ourselves off to the feedback of other people that can actually help us grow. Communication is the key component that can build bridges. We want to be open and at least listen to what other people have to say. It is up to us to decide which people we want to listen to, which people influence us and then make our own decisions based on that. Respect other people’s opinions as well. Tolerance is the way to freedom. Open the conversation by saying: “You must have a reason to say this. I am curious to hear what that is.” And then they probably will dig deeper into the real issue and we have a conversation. I think this is the most difficult agreement to follow
3) Don’t make assumptions
Is this realistic? Don’t we always make assumptions? Isn’t it part of our life? People always try to make meaning out of their life experiences. In science assumptions are totally necessary. In order to have innovative breakthroughs in life it is necessary to make assumptions so we can start receiving things from a different point of view. Making assumptions helps us to create a bigger framework of what is possible. Ruiz however, is probably talking about the assumption as it relates to our personal relationships. When we make assumptions we base all of our reactions, or what we think, on something that may not even exist. When we make assumptions it is negative for us. We put ourselves and other people down. Ruiz says that people make assumptions because they are afraid to ask questions. When we don’t have the facts as human beings, we are going to fill in the blanks. We make up our own story. Another thing he talks about in terms of personal relationship is that people assume they can change someone. They get into relationships that may not be working the way and assume they can change it and the other person. We expect people to act a certain way, again based on our own assumptions. When you stop making assumptions, your world becomes impeccable, and your life is completely transformed. What you need comes to you easily because spirit moves freely through you.
4) Always do your best
This agreement sounds pretty simple, but often we don’t do the best we can and we usually know when this is the case. We compromise for less. A lot of times there is a big gap between stuff we do and the stuff we could do. “Always do your best” is about practice and knowing that we are going to make mistakes. We should learn from our mistakes and move forward. Our best today may not be our best tomorrow. Face every situation the best you can possibly do. Bring the best out of people. At the end of our journey we then don’t have to regret the things we didn’t do, because we always gave things our best effort.
As human beings we are always evolving and always changing. What happens when we constantly ask ourselves these questions is that we become more aware. Self awareness is the core principal of personal development. Seek to always improve yourself, the relationship with ourselves and with others.
Following these rules can bring about so many positive results including the accomplishment of personal freedom and the improvement of our interpersonal relationships.
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